Mess
by Uriel Falcon
Summary: Oh, what a mess this was. VIOLENCE, DARK, SUGGESTIVE WITH DRUGS, GRAPHIC FEMMESLASH. CS. A web of lies buried down within an even bigger web of habits.


A mess. That was the only thing she could describe it as. The coffee table was overturned, with glasses and bottles shattered across the floor. Beer bottle caps littered the floor, alongside cigarette butts and ashes. Blood was in pools on the floor, with spills that she wasn't quite sure of what they were. The object of her affections, the beautiful Sara Sidle, was sprawled on the couch, blood running down her arms. There was an unlit, half smoked cigarette hanging from her lips, a beer in her almost limp hand.

Catherine was pissed. Sara had managed to infuriate her once again. First, Sara went on a rampage, scaring their key suspect half to hell. Then, she stormed off, and worked four shifts in a row to prove that the suspect was indeed the murderer. Afterwards, she was completely insubordinate towards Catherine over the fact that she apparently 'belittled' Sara's abilities as a CSI. They got into a huge fight in the parking lot, ending up in Sara screaming a lovely sentence of 'Leave it the fuck alone, bitch!' and driving off dangerously fast.

Now here Sara was, lying on the couch after revisiting every bad habit she had ever acquired, and passed out from them all. Catherine spotted the hash lying beside the cigarettes and what was left of the booze. _Oh, she's gonna fucking die now..._ Catherine fumed. This was the final straw, Sara was becoming way too much like Eddie.

"Sara Sidle, wake your fucking ass up now!" Catherine screamed, throwing her briefcase against the wall. The noise startled Sara, her eyes popping open in fear. Catherine was an image of fury, eyes piercing blue, cheeks a deep red, hair a messy blonde, and fists a clenched machine. Sara sat up slowly, slightly disoriented.

"Catherine, how the fuck did you get in here?" Sara asked, a streak of defensiveness through her words. She put her feet down from the couch, not wincing even as the glass dug into the bottom of her feet. Catherine's face pulled into a snarl.

"I walked in. You're so fucking high and drunk that you didn't even lock your door! Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? Do you have any common sense?" Catherine screamed. She couldn't take this anymore. Sara was slipping fast into something she wasn't quite sure of, but it was nothing different than Eddie. And she wouldn't take that anymore.

"Fuck off, Catherine, I'm not in the mood! I don't need you to come around and chastise me about my habits!" Sara yelled back, still sitting down. Catherine growled.

"Oh I'm not here to chastise you. I'm here to get some answers. Why did you freak out so quickly on the suspect? Is it because he was a woman beater, or was it because he has the same habits as you do?" Catherine pushed, stomping her foot, and crushing some more glass under the thick heel of her boots, which she had not taken off at the door. Sara flew up from the couch.

"You know damn fucking well why I exploded! He didn't care that his wife was dead! He didn't care that he beat her every day of her life because she forgot something small! Let me tell you something, I've been in some horrible situations, some terrible relationships, but I have never, EVER, hit my lover in anger!" Sara yelled, throwing her hand to the side, enraged. Catherine moved closer very quickly.

"Oh yeah? Then how come you have domestic abuse files against you? Don't think I didn't check, you were damn near charged of assault against your girlfriend! Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you honestly believe that you could simply forget about it, and never tell me? You lied! AGAIN!" Catherine screamed, tears close to flowing. Sara growled deeply.

"I never hit her. She lied, she was fucking around on me. She came home with bruises. I told her that I was leaving, and she fucking called the cops on me and blamed me for the bruises! I never hit that god damned bitch, I may have been a horrible partner, but I would never raise my hand to her..." Sara's voice became dark, and vibrated through Catherine's heart. It pained her to admit it, but she didn't believe Sara.

"Then how come your next girlfriend after that felt the need to throw plates at you to keep you away? Or the other girl, who decided that she needed a gun to stay safe from you? What about those?" Catherine exclaimed. Sara ran her hand through her hair, a look of complete and utter fury on her once placid features.

"Ally was fucked, okay? I tried to get close to her because she had a fucking knife in her hand and she had just threatened to kill herself because I was unfaithful. I tried moving close, but because she knew what had happened with my parents, she thought I was going to kill her. So she threw all the plates she could grab at me. And Robin needed a gun because she thought I was dealing and was going to get killed! I don't know how to fucking get this through to you, but I NEVER hit my lover, at any point and time." Sara's voice was lowering, her eyes dropping a shade into the blacker regions.

"How do I know that's true? You lied when you said you quit. You lied when you said you'd be able to handle the witness. Did you lie when you said you loved me? Or how about when you said that it wasn't just a one day fuck? How can I know the truth?" Catherine cried, tears flowing easily now. Sara lowered her head, her hands shaking.

"I did quit, but today... I relapsed. I thought I could handle the witness, but when he admitted to abusing her... I snapped. I do love you, and it wasn't a one day fuck. I'm sorry that you don't believe me, but I'm telling the truth." Sara tried to reason with Catherine, who was almost uncontrollable.

"Sara... I love you so much, but you're turning into Eddie! He had the same excuse." Catherine looked up, fear evident in her eyes. Sara took a step back, eyes wide. She was mumbling to herself, eyes darting around the room fearfully.

"Every fucking time, every fucking time..." Sara muttered, pacing around the room, completely oblivious to her feet being dissected by the glass. Catherine sat down on the couch, watching Sara's movements, gazing at the look of horror on her face.

"Sara, please, sit down and talk to me. I want to know if we can fix this." Catherine tried. Sara seemed completely lost, not even acknowledging the amount of glass digging itself into the depths of her feet. Catherine called her name, louder this time. Sara turned to her, looking deep into Catherine's eyes. She didn't break her gaze, and Catherine began to see something change.

"Sara, talk to me. Why are you doing this?" Catherine asked slowly, her hands clenched in her lap. Sara looked over to the window, taking a swig of what was left of her beer.

"I thought I had cracked the habits, Catherine. You helped me so much, you helped me fend all of this off. I was doing fine... It's my own stupid mind working over theories that aren't true, I guess it's just something to defend myself from the remnants of my childhood... So honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this." Sara reasoned aloud, relighting her cigarette and taking a long drag. Catherine felt her jaw clench.

"Did you do this because you thought I didn't think you were good enough?" Catherine asked through her tightly clenched teeth. Sara let out a huff of dry laughter.

"Once again, I don't know. I snap sometimes. This is just one of the few times you've witnessed it. Old habits die hard, and even the smallest of things set me off. I'm self-destructive, I have a problem with authority... I'm a former drug addict relapsing for the first time in years, I quit smoking for four years only to puff up again after a hard case, and I haven't indulged in bloodletting like this since Ally. I'm not good for you, Cat... You deserve better." Sara was beginning to withdraw into herself, walking towards the window and gazing out of it with a distant look in her eyes. Catherine stood up, hands at her sides. Now she was really getting pissed.

"Are you saying that you're leaving me!" Catherine exclaimed. Sara turned around, giving her a very dark look.

"No. You're leaving me. You need to find somebody good for you... Somebody good for Lindsey. You need a good, responsible, loving partner who will never hurt you again. I can't promise that I won't hurt you emotionally." Sara turned back to the window, taking another swig. Catherine felt herself close to tears.

"No Sara, I'm not leaving you! I am going to make this work, and you're gonna fucking help me! Sara, I want to know the truth, what the fuck happened to you?" Catherine screamed. Sara snapped, twisting to the side and throwing her beer bottle against the wall, turning to face Catherine quickly.

"A lot of shit happened, Catherine! Shit I can't even begin to explain because I don't want to go down that godforsaken road again! I will not let you stay around and let me treat you this way!" Sara screamed, her eyes going almost black from memories Catherine couldn't even fathom. But there was no way she was leaving. If she had to obtain a bruise to get what she wanted, then she would. Catherine stepped forward quickly, right up in Sara's face.

"Neither will I, but I'm not willing to stand here and watch you fall into some sort of dark self-destruction. I love you, Sara. I will not leave you." Catherine's voice was steady and strong, reverberating through the now quiet apartment. Sara dropped her eyes to lock with Catherine's, and felt herself beginning to break.

"Catherine... I can't do this to you... I did it to Ally, Robin, Carley... Baby, I don't want to do this to you and Lindsay. I love you all too much to do it... Please, Catherine..." Sara tried, feeling her eyes begin to swell with tears. Catherine got closer, her face right up to Sara's.

"No." Sara slowly slid down the glass of her window, slumping onto the floor. Catherine grabbed Sara's arms, pulling her up roughly to stand again. Sara looked up with almost dead eyes, and Catherine knew what she had to do. She pulled her right hand up, and slapped Sara hard across the cheek. Sara's head only moved a little bit to the side, but Catherine could see anger bubbling up through Sara's soul.

"Sara, listen to me. You have to come back. You have to get out of this. I want to help you. I want you, and I'm not going to let you go." Catherine spoke, no fear evident in her voice. But on the inside, she was terrified. She knew what it was like to be beaten by a lover, it stung more than a regular fist battle. And if what she read was true, Sara was most likely brutal.

"Catherine, you don't know what you're getting yourself into... Drop it and leave." Sara whispered, looking up into Catherine's eyes again. She was rewarded with a rough slap from the left hand. Sara ground her teeth together, looking down at Catherine with the beginnings of anger settling in the depths of her dark eyes. Catherine snarled.

"I'm not going to leave it alone. I'm not going to leave YOU alone until you tell me everything that has made you do this... Everything that has pushed you to become this person." Catherine said, forcefully. Sara shook her head. Catherine shoved Sara hard, sending her crashing back into the window, her shoulders making the glass vibrate slightly. Sara's hands twitched, as if they were about to fly upwards, but she kept them pinned to her sides.

"Catherine, what the fuck are you trying to do?" Sara growled, her hair hanging strewn around her face in a wild manner. Catherine's snarl turned into an image of complete rage.

"If this is what you want, this is what you're getting. I'm going to find out the truth. And if I have to sport a fresh set of bruises to figure it out, I will!" Catherine yelled. Sara snapped up to her full height, leaving Catherine to only look up in slight fear as Sara pushed forward, making Catherine back up to where the glass was littering the area in front of the couch.

"I told you a thousand times, Catherine! You're not listening to me! I NEVER HIT ANY OF THEM, AND I NEVER WOULD!" Sara boomed, taking her cigarette and tossing it into the ashtray. Catherine's eyes flickered for a moment, before she decided that this was her last chance to save Sara. She pushed forward again, picking up the still light cigarette from the ashtray and pressing it to Sara's collar bone. Sara flew back in pain, frantically brushing the ashes off of herself.

"Feel that pain? That's the pain you cause me when you tell me lies, Sara! Tell me the truth! SHOW me the truth!" Catherine shouted, hands clenched in anger. She was so close to breaking the truth, very close to the point. One more push, and she would find out what she wanted. The decision making truth would decide whether she'd leave, or stay. Sara looked up with frighteningly dark eyes, a hint of a strange grey surrounding her pupils.

"Catherine, what the fuck is wrong with you!" Sara yelled back, holding her now bright red injury, circling around Catherine to stand towards the door. Catherine snapped, jumping at Sara, shoving her down to the ground straddling her hips, watching as Sara hissed in pain at the glass in her back. She was coming down from her high, and now felt the pain that penetrated her once blocked senses.

"I want the truth!" Catherine screamed, reaching down and slapping Sara across the face. That's when she noticed it. Sara's eyes popped open, the once beautiful brown replaced by the terrifying grey of trauma. Her pupils were tiny and almost invisible. If Catherine had time to evaluate them, she would have said that Sara must have been seeing in tunnel vision.

Within moments, Catherine felt a heavy right hand around her throat. She desperately clawed at Sara's hand, who had somehow sat up enough to gain leverage, kneeling in the thick glass. Catherine looked up into Sara's eyes again, and saw nothing but pain and rage. Sara grabbed Catherine's ass, pulling her up and tossing her onto the couch. She grabbed Catherine's hands, pinning them roughly to the couch under her weight. Catherine let out a yelp as Sara sat on her hips heavily, restraining all movements. Sara was in a point beyond return, and now Catherine was severely regretting pushing her into it.

"You want the truth, Catherine? I'll give you the fucking truth..." Sara's voice was surprisingly calm, and didn't sound like the brunette at all. Sara leaned down and bit Catherine's lip roughly, pushing all her weight into a bruising kiss. Catherine whimpered underneath the pressure, trying to kick out. Sara moved her left hand from Catherine's for only a moment to pop open Catherine's shirt, when Catherine struck out and scratched her across the cheek with her sharp nails. Sara pulled back violently, pushing her left hand back on, hard. Sara pulled Catherine's right arm sharply over to where her left was above her head, capturing them both with her strong left hand.

That's when Catherine began screaming. Sara pulled her right arm back, her hand clenched in a large, stone like fist. Catherine screamed louder, trying to knock some sense back into Sara. So it was true, Sara was abusive. Catherine would not stay, there was no way she could. As soon as that fist landed, that was it. Two years in a beautifully perfect relationship, all flushed. Catherine looked up into Sara's eyes. Blue, tearful eyes met cold, dead grey eyes, and for a moment, all sound stopped.

Sara let out a horrifying scream, pulling her hand back farther and striking herself across the face, sending herself careening into the glass covered floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Catherine let her breathing even out, and sat up slowly, looking down at the sobbing Sara. She then looked down at herself. Her blouse was wide open, some blood trickling down from where her lip was bleeding. There were blood stains over her clothing from Sara, and a sharp pain in her wrists. She looked back over to Sara, who was curling into the fetal position, mumbling and sobbing while digging the glass from the ground into her body.

"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, she lied, she lied..." Sara cried softly, eyes screwed shut. Catherine blinked slowly, realization dawning on her now. _She was in the perfect position to rape me, to hit me... But she lashed out at herself instead... She really was telling the truth._ Catherine sighed deeply, wiping away the tears that she didn't know had fallen. She reached forward, and pulled Sara up into her arms, beginning to pick out the glass from her wounds. Sara whimpered softly, still wracked with guilt. Catherine slowly started whispering.

"Shh, it's okay, Sara... I believe you now... It's okay, baby, we can fix this... We can fix this..." Sara looked up, eyes half lidded. The colour of deep chocolate had returned, though it looked much more broken. Catherine sighed deeply, throwing another piece of glass away. She pulled Sara up higher into her arms, watching as the sobbing brunette dozed into a death-like sleep. Catherine slipped out from underneath her, and began cleaning up around the apartment, disposing of all remnants of a breakdown. She took all the alcohol, cigarettes and hash and threw them into a garbage bag, tossing it into the dumpster downstairs. When she returned, Sara had curled into the fetal position again.

"Sara, honey... Come on, let's get you cleaned up..." Catherine mumbled, pulling Sara off of the couch and towards the bathroom. She started up a bath, and while it filled, Catherine began stripping Sara's clothing off. Sara complied, but barely made a sound as her clothing slumped to the ground. Catherine turned off the bath, beginning to strip off her own clothing. When she was done, she pulled Sara up into the tub, and slipped in behind her, feeling relief from the hot water. She heard Sara whimper as she began to clean Sara's wounds, keeping the woman between her thighs.

"Sara, listen to me baby. I know you're beating yourself up over this, but let it go. We'll start fresh, baby." Catherine whispered, tossing more glass out into the garbage can. Sara whimpered a little bit more, tears flowing from her eyes. Catherine reached forward, stroking Sara's cheek, giving her a soft kiss. Sara relaxed completely, almost falling asleep as Catherine picked her wounds clean of the intruding glass. Catherine relaxed as well and held Sara close, stroking her body absently until she decided that they had to get out of the water. Catherine dragged Sara up out of the tub, pulling the plug.

She dried off the naked Sara, as well as herself, and dragged them both towards the bedroom. She slipped them both underneath the violet satin sheets, wrapping her arms around the broken woman beside her. They both drifted off to sleep, the silence deafening.

When Catherine awoke, she noticed that for the first time in two years, Sara had not awoken before her. Catherine decided that to show her love, she'd give Sara a nice awakening. Catherine began running her finger down Sara's chest, making tiny circles around Sara's sensitive nipple. Sara moaned, her eyes opening slightly. Catherine leaned over and gave Sara a heated kiss, giving her nipple a slight pinch. Sara reached her arms around and rolled them both over, straddling Catherine. She continued the kiss, while running her hands over Catherine's smooth body. Catherine flipped them, and sat above Sara, looking down with love.

"Hey, baby." Was all she said as she began sucking on Sara's ear, beginning to lick a path down towards Sara's nipple. She bit down slightly on the sensitive nub, before continuing down towards her navel. Sara moaned loudly, gripping at the sheets. Catherine decided that today was not a day for teasing. She lowered herself to Sara's heated center, and began lapping at the wet core.

Sara squeaked slightly, her hips bucking up slightly. Catherine pushed two fingers inside of Sara, pumping quickly as she sucked on Sara's nub. Within a few minutes, Sara moaned her name in the lower register of her voice, the vibrations coursing through Catherine's heart. Catherine slithered up Sara's body, giving her a kiss. Sara began to sob slightly, holding Catherine tight to her body.

Oh, what a mess this was.

END


End file.
